Happy Holidays

Posted by on Sep 3, 2015 in News | 0 comments

HAPPY HOLIDAYS CATHY So, what are you doing home so early? STEVE I took the afternoon off. CATHY Is everything all right? STEVE Yeah, I just had some shopping to do. I picked up Jenny and Michelle and we went shopping for Matt. Where have you been? CATHY I was out shopping myself. It’s insane out there. People in the malls have lost their minds. STEVE You can say that again. Here’s to Christmas in the malls, a practice run for the apocalypse. CATHY That’s for sure. If you don’t mind, I think I’ll have some of your eggnog. STEVE Easy does it. It’s— CATHY It’s all nog. Wow, that’s stiff. Any particular reason you’re drinking dragster fuel in the middle of the afternoon? STEVE Because it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas. CATHY Well, I guess you had about as much fun shopping as I did. So what did you get? Did you by chance make it by Toys-R-Us? STEVE Yep. CATHY Great. Did you find Matt’s game? STEVE Yep. CATHY Did you pick it up? STEVE Nope. CATHY You’re kidding. For god sakes, were they out already? STEVE Nope. CATHY Well, was there a problem with the credit card? STEVE Nope. CATHY Okay, I’m gonna ask you one more question and this time see if you can string at least five words together. Why didn’t you get the game? STEVE Because, well…because I couldn’t. CATHY Oh, that’s real good. All right Steve Newberry, come out of the nog fog right now and tell me why you didn’t get that game or you’ll be having Christmas dinner at Denny’s. STEVE I wonder if they’ll serve turkey bacon with the Grand Slam breakfast. CATHY Now, Steve. STEVE All right. I didn’t get it because I was asked to leave. CATHY You were asked to leave the Toys-R-Us? STEVE No. Actually I was forced to leave the Toys-R-Us. CATHY Oh, you’ve got to be kidding. Why? Was it the kids? STEVE No, no. It was daddy. CATHY What? What did you do? STEVE I lost my Christmas spirit. I took it and shoved it up Santa’s ass. Right in front of everybody. CATHY You did what? STEVE The kids got to see daddy take down Santa Claus. CATHY Are you telling me you beat up Santa? STEVE Yep. CATHY And exactly why was St. Nick on your hit list? STEVE All right, here it is. I pick up the kids from school and on the way to the store, Jenny throws up in the back seat because her moron teacher let her gorge herself on candy canes at the school Christmas send off. Michelle starts crying because Jenny got...

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